


Lioness Den

by Fabulously_gay_doritos



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, F/M, Glad this didnt really have a plot tho, Its literally just them messing around, Just fluff and randon stuff, Just them bein idiots???, M/M, Memes, On haitus now sorry yall, Ships mentioned and joked about but not the main thing, Tumblr Memes, cursing, lots of memes, text au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-10-11 03:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10453791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabulously_gay_doritos/pseuds/Fabulously_gay_doritos
Summary: LilOrphanKeef: Wait who made my usernameTheSunToMyCrops: Weight is mass times gravityLilShirt: stOpBestLegs: !!!!!!TheSunToMyCrops: Oh noBestLegs: IN THE NAME OF LOVELilOrphanKeef: What have you doneBestLegs: BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEARTShirp: I regret everythingAka another text AU that no one asked for: In which an employee of the Lioness Den, a famous restaurant in the heart of New Orleans, decides to form a group chat for his fellow employees.





	1. It has begun

**Author's Note:**

> I'm supposed to be doing homework/another voltron fanfic but then I got this idea and thought, "woah you know what would help you write characterization another shitty Voltron Text Au"  
> I'm so sorry.  
> Usernames:  
> Cabbage: Coran  
> LilOrphanKeef: Keith  
> BestLegs: Lance  
> Shirp: Shiro  
> TheSunToMyCrops: Hunk  
> LilShit: Pidge  
> SlayerOfHeels: Allura

**BestLegs added: LilOrphanKeef, Cabbage, Shirp, TheSunToMyCrops, LilShit, and SlayerOfHeels to Can Only End Goodly**

**LilOrphanKeef:** What is this

**BestLegs:** THE BEST IDEA IVE EVER GOTTEN

**BestLegs:** Why personally contact all the lovely employees at Allura's fine establishment when u can just group chat them

**LilShit:** I'm

**Shirp:** Pidge change your name immediately I will not allow cursing in this

**BestLegs:** But we are sinners

**Shirp:** then go to church

**Shirp:** Pidge change your name

**LilShit:** ugh fine dad

**LilShit changed their name to LilShirt**

**LilShirt:** better dad

**TheSunToMyCrops:** uh

**LilOrphanKeef:** hi hunk

**BestLegs:** Isn't iT AMAZIN HUNK

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I guess

**BestLegs:** Thanks hunk

**TheSunToMyCrops:** :)

**SlayerOfHeels:** What

**SlayerOfHeels:** What is this

**LilOrphanKeef:** Look above

**SlayerOfHeels:** Um.

**SlayerOfHeels:** I do not believe this was necessary.

**SlayerOfHeels:** Who made the usernames? They aren't appropriate for work.

**Cabbage:** Sh! Allura, let them have their fun.

**Cabbage:** I feel this will be a perfect way to build relationships and bond.

**SlayerOfHeels:** But why is Shiro here? I haven't even hired him yet.

**BestLegs:** Well he protects the restaurant

**BestLegs:** And u give him food

**BestLegs:** I assumed u wanted him here

**SlayerOfHeels:** Fair enough. Continue.

**PM: Shirp --- > LilOrphanKeef**

**Shirp:** YET

**Shirp:** DOES THAT MEAN SHE'S GONNA HIRE ME

**Message sent to Can Only End Goodly at 3:14 PM**

**LilOrphanKeef:** Wait who made my username

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Weight is mass times gravity

**LilShirt:** stOp

**BestLegs:** !!!!!

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Oh no

**BestLegs:** IN THE NAME OF LOVE

**LilOrphanKeef:** What have you done

**BestLegs:** BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART

**Shirp:** I regret everything

**LilShirt:** Can we sing a better song please

**BestLegs:** Ofc only for u bby

**LilShirt:** ??????

**BestLegs:** I HEARD THAT YOU WERE TALKIN SHIT

**BestLegs:** aND YOU DIDNT THINK THAT I WOULD HEAR IT

**LilOrphanKeef:** No

**BestLegs:** A FEW TIMES IVE BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK

**BestLegs:** SO IRS NOT JUST GONNA HAPPAJDOFIWJWOWIW

  
**LilShirt:** What's going on

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Keith just ran into our house and started beating the shit out of Lance

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I'm dying its hilarious

**TheSunToMyCrops sent a video**

**TheSunToMyCrops:** HE JUST STOLE LANCE'S PHONE AND SHOVED HIM INTO THE CLOSET OH MY GOD

**LilShirt:** Wow I never knew you could go back in the closet after coming out

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Stop

**LilShirt:** Never

**BestLegs:** Hi this is Lance I'm an obnoxious asshole

**Shirp:** Hi lance

**BestLegs:** So uh I have a few things to do before I release the screaming banshee

**BestLegs changed their name to BleachedAsshole**

**BleachedAsshole:** Life is wonderful

**LilShirt:** Best day of my life

**Shirp:** Pidge get off your phone and fix the programming of the damn restaurant door

**LilShirt:** no

**LilShirt:** Y would u yell at me for having a curse word in my chat name but then ignore Keith and Hunk's cursing, and then curse urself u little hypocrite??? 

**Shirp:** You

**Shirp:** Are a child

**Shirp:** Fix the door

**LilShirt:** Ok ok geez

**LilShirt:** Rude

**Cabbage:** You are all very entertaining people.

\-------

**Message sent to Can Only End Goodly at 6:18 PM**

**Shirp:** Alright.

**Shirp:** which one of you immature swines

**Shirp:** Covered my car with eggs.

**Cabbage:** That sounds very difficult to clean.

**LilOrphanKeef:** Lance was acting pretty suspicious around your house

**BleachedAsshole:** excuse me

**LilShirt:** Lol I did it

**Shirp:** why

  
**Shirp:** _why_

  
**Shirp:** I've been cleaning for 4 hours straight and I'm still not done

**LilShirt:** I was bored lol

**LilShirt:** Now when u visit Keith in Texas today you can have fried eggs

**BleachedAsshole:** Why would you admit to doing it you idiot

**LilShirt:** Because he can't do anything???

**Shirp:** Thats it

**Shirp:** No internet for a week

**LilShirt:** WHAT

**Shirp:** Calling the company

**LilShirt:** NO

**Shirp:** good news, they said it should shut off in half an hour

**BleachedAsshole:** Rip Pidge 2k17

**LilShirt:** Shiro you don't understand

**LilShirt:** I'll die

**LilShirt:** bored out of my mind, nothing to do, my friends don't exist except u guys

**LilShirt:** Don't do this

**Shirp:** :)))))))))))

**SlayerOfHeels:** This is better than any novel I've ever read.

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Damn Right It Is™

**LilOrphanKeef changed the chat name to Damn Right It Is™**

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Thanks Keef

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I feel appreciated

\-------

**PM: BleachedAsshole -- > TheSunToMyCrops**

**BleachedAsshole:** Hey Hunk

**BleachedAsshole:** I have a small request

**BleachedAsshole:** I woke up late and had to rush to the restaurant can u make me a little something something?

**BleachedAsshole:** I'll pay u back

**BleachedAsshole:** Get u set up with Shay?

**BleachedAsshole:** Or uh get chu some fancy ingredients?

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Nah it's cool I got it

**BleachedAsshole:** Bless

**BleachedAsshole:** I'll get Keith to cover me for a few

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I'm already in the kitchen just pop in and grab something

**BleachedAsshole:** thank u so much

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Don't worry about it Lance

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Now hurry

\--------

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 12:32 PM**

**BleachedAsshole sent an image.**

**BleachedAsshole sent an image.**

**LilOrphanKeef:** no

**LilShirt:** im dying

**Shirp:** this is great

**Shirp:** and honestly very true

**LilOrphanKeef:** NO THEY ARE NOT

**Shirp:** When he's tired he says y'all in his otherwise hidden accent

**Shirp:** I once caught him practicing a regular accent in the mirror

**Shirp:** and he used to sneak out at night to go to hot topic

**Shirp:** His Spotify is filled with My Chemical Romance and Panic! At the Disco

**LilOrphanKeef:** I trusted you

**LilOrphanKeef:** betrayed by my own brother

**Shirp:** We're not related

**LilOrphanKeef:** adopt me then

**Shirp:** But then I'd be your dad????

**BleachedAsshole:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**BleachedAsshole:** kinky

**LilOrphanKeef:** stop.

**BleachedAsshole changed their name to OurDaddyInHeaven**

**LilOrphanKeef:** why

**LilOrphanKeef has left the chatroom.**

**Shirp has added LilOrphanKeef to the chatroom.**

**Shirp:** We suffer together.

**LilShirt:** yikes

**LilShirt:** imma change my name too I'm bored with this one

**LilShirt changed their name to SurpriseDead**

**TheSunToMyCrops:** what kind of name is that

**SurpriseDead:** surprise

**SurpriseDead:** I'm dead

**TheSunToMyCrops:** im

**SlayerOfHeels:** You know the restaurant opens in 10 minutes, right? And none of you are here yet?

**Shirp:** almost there

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** IM WAITING OUTSIDE THE DOOR IS LOCKED

**Cabbage:** Whoops.

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 3:45 PM.**

**SurpriseDead:** my dudes

**SurpriseDead:** I have a thing

**SurpriseDead:** I know u all bored

**SurpriseDead:** and I need more money

**SurpriseDead:** So I have a competition for u all

**LilOrphanKeef:** What

**SurpriseDead:** Shiro and Hunk vs. Lance and Keef

**SurpriseDead:** We need more advertising

**SurpriseDead:** u each get a day

**SurpriseDead:** whoever brings less people does cleaning duty for a month

**Shirp:** why is this necessary????

**SurpriseDead:** We need more people to feed

**SurpriseDead:** Low on funds

**LilOrphanKeef:** this is very random

**Shirp:** and the reward is weird.

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** WE WILL BEAT YO ASSES

**Shirp:** Your on

**SurpriseDead:** You're*

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I see another meaning in this; in these wonderful teams you have given

**SurpriseDead:** Wat

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I'm not the only one who sees the Klance???

**LilOrphanKeef:** w h a t

**SurpriseDead:** oh that's tru

**SurpriseDead:** I ship it

**LilOrphanKeef:** uh we're real people don't get us caught into you shipping fetish you goddamn weirdos

**SurpriseDead:** ok its not a fetish get out but whatever I gotchu I respect your living wants and needs

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I'm sorry my dudes I will be in love wit your relationship in a more respectful way

**TheSunToMyCrops:** u guys should hook up because the sexual tension is agravating, you argue like a married couple, and the way you look at eachother screams pining

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** fair enough

**LilOrphanKeef:** You have a good point

**TheSunToMyCrops:** wait u know you're both pining

**LilOrphanKeef:** ye

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** ye

**SurpriseDead:**   ~~ur supposed to say yehaw keef~~

**TheSunToMyCrops:** then why aren't u together

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** because I also hate him and we gotta wait until the hate is gone or the relationship will deflate

**LilOrphanKeef:** ^

**Shirp:** Lance that was really mature

**SurpriseDead:** the competition starts now Lance and Keith are first Shiro take their waiting duties for them

**OuDaddyInHeaven:** WHAT

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** NOW?!

**SurpriseDead:** Ofc have fun benches

**Shirp:** benches?

**SurpriseDead:** u know binches

**Shirp:** ????

**SurpriseDead:** fuc u don't expect me to type well

**Shirp:** You're Coran's assistant you type everyday???

 

(Link to Texas keef artist's tumblr; [Click here](https://your-buddy-keith.tumblr.com/post/148843185582/me-a-texan-reading-all-the-texan-keith-headcanon)


	2. YOU RUINED MY BEAUTY ROUTINE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and again the pain we experience returns
> 
> My heart is going to explode!!! I keep checking the story and more and more Kudos are happening I'm so happy I'm so glad people are enjoying this it makes me so happy and honestly I really needed that confidence boost??? I've been in a weird place lately and the amount of support I'm gaining just through the kudos alone, (and my sweet friend Sydney who often betas my poor quality writings and help in me out a bunch shout out to Syd) is really helping a lot. EXPECIALLY BECAUSE 23 KUDOS AND 8 SUBSCRIBES AT THE MOMENT OF THIS NOTE??? IM??? CRYING??? YOU GUYS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL BLESS YOU ALL  
> pls don't expect updates to be frequent I often get idea blocks
> 
> I listened to a Guns For Hands cover (that's really soft and played with a guitar or ukalele or something its really good I love it) and a Blurryface acapella while writing this and I have that Emo Inspiration™.

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 9:20 PM**

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I cannot believe

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** we lost

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** my skin is sobbing from the over hydration

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** wrinkles are everywhere

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** my nails are sorrowful

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** it will take wEEKS to recover from the monstrosity that is the DISHES

**LilOrphanKeef:** shut the fuck up lance

**OurDaddyInHeaven changed LilOrphanKeef's name to LilRoodAshBinch**

**LilRoodAshBinch:** what????

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** because I am respectful enough to not CURSE

**LilRoodAshBinch:** Please start cleaning the dishes again I am not doing this alone

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Only if you stop playing Emo Music™ and something sensible. 

**LilRoodAssBinch:** Rood

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I deserve a spa day after this

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Treat yo'self

**SurpriseDead:** Can I join u

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** ofc

**SlayerOfHeels:** May I join you?

**OuDaddyInHeaven:** YES GIRLS DAY OUT

**Shirp:** If I pay for myself can I join

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I would never say no to u

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Remember to give me ur eyeliner tips because damn dad u got sweet eyes

**Shirp:** Thank you I try my best

**SlayerOfHeels:** This is becoming more and more elaborate.

**TheSunToMyCrops:** CAN I COME I COULD REALLY USE A FOOT MASSAGE

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** OFC MY DUDE ILL EVEN PAY FOR U

**Cabbage:** I feel a bit left out.

**Shirp:** Do u wanna come Coran

**Cabbage:** It sounds like a very enjoyable event.

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** you can come Coran I don't mind

**Cabbage:** Let me at least pay for some of you.

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Nah no worries I'll pay

**Cabbage:** This spa trip will not lessen the range in my pockets in the slightest. I am paying.

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Well if u insist

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Thanks my dude

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** how did we find a rich friend??? I never thought I would even be in the same room as someone rich??? Life is so amazing???

**LilRoodAshBinch:** tru

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** KEEF

**OuDaddyInHeaven:** keef you GOTTA come

**LilRoodAshBinch:** why???

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Honey u need it

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Don't try to ignore the fact that, although it looks nice, your hair is greasy

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** and although ur eyeliner is on point, the rest of your face is crusty

**LilRoodAshBinch:** did you just insult me and complement me at the same time

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** my specialty

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Join us

**LilRoodAshBinch:** ... Sure, I guess. Sounds like fun

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** SWEET

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** SPA DAY WITH THE FAM

**SlayerOfHeels:** When are you all free? We need to have a plan, so I can close the restaurant down.

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I don't have any classes Monday

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Because I'm smart™

**LilRoodAshBinch:** Lies; when have you ever been smart

  
**LilRoodAshBinch:** but I can work with Monday.

**TheSunToMyCrops:** That works really well

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Then we'll be nice and fresh for the rest of the week

**Shirp:** Good idea

**Cabbage:** So we've settled?

**SurpriseDead:** YES

**SurpriseDead changed their name to OverHydration.**

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** What

**OverHydration:** Oh, its nothing, just wanna steal that phrase it XD has me dead XD

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** nO

**Shirp:** I'm leaving

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Is this the apocalypse?

**OverHydration:** Oh get a hold of your emo asses

**OverHydration:** weirdos

\--

**OurDaddyInHeaven --- > LilRoodAshBinch**

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I CANT WAIT FOR THE SPA TRIP HUNK IM GONNA SCREAM

**LilRoodAshBinch:** I know, me too. You guys have hyped me up a bit too much

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Oh whoops you're not hunk

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** But that doesn't mean im going to stop talking to u

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** No, you're stuck now

**LilRoodAshBinch:** Ok

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** How's it going Keftler

**LilRoodAshBinch:** Huh

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Get ur Texas ass in gear for this Monday, Keetos

**LilRoodAshBinch:** What

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I will personally make sure u get all these nice supplies for ur sculpted body and I SWEAR if you don't moisturize that beautiful face of urs once a day at lEAST I will march to your dorm aND DO IT FOR U

**LilRoodAshBinch:** 1\. My house is a nice shack, not a dorm, and you've seen itdon't pretend you don't know what it is

**LilRoodAshBinch:** 2\. Why would you do it for me that's weird?

**LilRoodAshBinch:** 3\. Thanks for the complements I guess???

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** No prob my dude

**OurDaddyInHeaven --- > TheSunToMyCrops**

**OurDaddyInHeaven sent an image.**

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I have made a large mistake

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Don't you both already acknowledge the fact that ur both pining???

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** bUT IT SOUNDS REALLY GAY

**TheSunToMyCrops:** lance u have the weirdest relationship with him I swear

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Honestly I'm so bi for him but Idk what to do about it

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Because what if he's not that serious???

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** What if its just a prank???

**TheSunToMyCrops:** He would never prank you like that

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Also have you seen the looks he gives you, are you blind???

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Yes his wistful eyes took my eyesight away all I can see is his eyes

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** his eyes, hUNK

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Lance calm the actual fuck down oh my god

**LilRoodAshBinch --- > Shirp**

**LilRoodAshBinch:** what do I do

**Shirp:** Nothing???

**Shirp:** You both already admitted you're gay for each other???

**LilRoodAshBinch:** Yeah but what if he isn't

**Shirp:** Oh

**Shirp:** My god

**TheSunToMyCrops added Shirp, Cabbage, OverHydration, and SlayerOfHeels to Supporting Keith and Lance Since 2k17.**

**TheSunToMyCrops:** we need to admit it

**TheSunToMyCrops:** They need help.

**Shirp:** Agreed

**OverHydration:** This sounds like an amazing plan

**OverHydration:** But how we gonna do it

**SlayerOfHeels:** Well.

**SlayerOfHeels:** One of you could have a sleepover and invite them.

**SlayerOfHeels:** Or, a trip out to a popular spot, and then make plans on the same day? They'd be stuck together.

**Shirp:** wo

**Shirp:** I thought you'd be against this

**SlayerOfHeels:** Why would I?

**Shirp:** Well, you would have two flirty college students serving at you restaurant.

**SlayerOfHeels:** In any other instance, I would agree... However I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I am a bit of a hopeless romantic. Their adorable happiness would out weight the uncomfortable reviews.

**OverHydration:** MANAGER IS IN BOARD WE ARE SET FOR SHIPS SAILING

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I feel kind weird

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Like a fangirl trying to set two characters together

**OverHydration:** Shhh we're playing matchmaker; a normal thing to do

**OverHydration:** Just don't start calling them weird yaoi names

**OverHydration:** then u'd be a weeb and I'd have to call the police

**Shirp:** Hello this is 911 what is your emergency

**OverHydration:** "FUCKING WEEBS"

**Cabbage:** What is a 'yaoi'?

**OverHydration:** Let's not go there my pal

**TheSunToMyCrops:** My pal

**TheSunToMyCrops changed OverHydration's name to MyPal.**

**Message Sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 1:30 PM.**

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** This is pure bliss

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** It hurts to move my mouth but damn is it worth it

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** This face mask is so good

**LilRoodAshBinch:** I must admit, it feels pretty nice

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** GOOD BYE CRUSTY KEITH HELLO GORGEOUS

**LilRoodAshBinch:** I'm taking that as a complement

**LilRoodAshBinch:** So thanks?

**TheSunToMyCrops:** I have never felt so peaceful in my entire life

**Shirp:** I'm not driving after this blessed peace someone call an uber

**MyPal:** For like???

**MyPal:** seven people???

**Shirp:** Multiple cars

**MyPal:** what about the car u used to get here

**Shirp:** Fuc u and ur common sense

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Louisiana has ubers?

**Shirp:** yeah, not that many tho

**MyPal:** U gotta walk; strut ur stuff

**Shirp:** yeah

**Shirp:** When I first moved here I did not expect the 20 nail salons in each town

  
**Shirp:** and I'm glad Im used to Texas because everyone seems to still have that accent here and if I didn't have Keith it would be kinda scary

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Rip Louisiana's so underrated

**MyPal:** Everyone knows New Orleans tho

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Because its party central my dudes

**LilRoodAshBinch:** why are you guys having a really intelligent talk of Louisiana go back to your spa day

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Ahhh

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Spa day

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Such a wonderful experience

**LilRoodAshBinch:** it would be wonderful if my phone wasn't buzzing the whole fuckibg time

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Geez

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** fine

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I gotchu I'll shut up

**TheSunToMyCrops:** why are you getting up Lance

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Lance I know what you're planning Lance don't do it

**MyPal:** Why did I just hear screaming

**TheSunToMyCrops:** LANCE NO

**TheSunToMyCrops:** YOU'RE GONNA GET US KICKED OUT

**MyPal:** Spiders, get out of the list, the thing I'm most scared of is Keith's scream

**MyPal:** Fucking terrifying

**MyPal sent a video.**

**Shirp:** Pidge help me I can't control Lance by myself

**MyPal:** Why didn't you just ask me in person in right here???

**Shirp:** BECSUDE YOUR BOT LISTENUBF IVE BEEN SHOUTIBG THIS WHOLE TINE

**MyPal:** Jesus

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 3:58 PM.**

**Shirp:** I can't believe that just happened

**Shirp:** I went into that place for peace

**Shirp:** And now im bailing Lance of jail

**Shirp:** Keith why would you press charges oh my god

**Cabbage:** It was fun while it lasted.

**SlayerOfHeels:** If I didn't know you all very well I would've already fired you.

**Shirp:** Keith I'm not paying for all of this get your ass over here and help me pay for Lance

**LilRoodAshBinch:** no

**Shirp:** someone help I can't afford his bail

**Cabbage:** I will assist you, Shiro. Just give me a few ticks to get there.

**TheSunToMyCrops:** What did he even do???

**LilRoodAshBinch:** HE SMASHED THE BAR OF FOOT SOAP INTO MY FACE AND FUCKING LAUGHED

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Wow that's

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Very out of character

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Were the cops necessary though?

**Shirp:** A worker called them

**MyPal:** How did it taste

**LilRoodAshBinch:** What

**MyPal:** the soap

**MyPal:** How it taste

**LilRoodAshBinch:** ...

**LilRoodAshBinch:** Like foot soap?

**MyPal:** Lol rip Keith

**LilRoodAshBinch:** Get your middle school ass out of here

**MyPal:** I AM 23 EXCUSE YOU I AM A WORKING CLASS

**MyPal:** SINGLE GUARDIAN

**LilRoodAshBinch:** you don't have any children

**MyPal:** MY CATS ARE MY CHILDREN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so quick note the reason why I chose New Orleans as the restaurant location;  
> 1\. I've been to New Orleans many times and want this to be as accurate as possible. If I had chosen a different location, as in New York, I wouldn't know the layout (at all) except for stuff based on movies and honestly? New Orleans is pretty cool.
> 
> 2\. Imagine them going on a trip to a state park with a swamp that would be hilarious imagine what they would DO
> 
> Anyway
> 
> I can confirm there are millions of nail salons  
> I'm going to have a heart attack now it's at 36 kudos  
> Also I'm sorry this isnt as good as the last I keep running out of ideas please help


	3. existential problems at 2:30 in the morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirp: I work in misterious ways my boy  
> MyPal: misterious  
> MyPal: Screenshot
> 
> Some weird stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 62 kudos??? I love you all so much thank you so much I will personally travel to every single one of you and hug you, I'm just, going to cry, u are all too beautiful for this world, I don't deserve you all  
> I'm scared that im running out of ideas quick and I really need suggestions my pals, lack of ideas is the reason why this chapter took so long, you know besides laziness and testing.

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 2:31 AM.**

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** Do u ever just start making urself some popcorn and suddenly u start question in our existence

 **OurDaddyInHeaven:** Like wow the universe is so fuckin big we're all super smol what is are purpose do we even have a purpose

 **MyPal:** lance I can't deal with your existential problems at 2:30 in the morning go back to sleep

 **OurDaddyInHeaven:** My terrifying experience in jail is keeping me up at night

 **MyPal:** You were there for an hour lance

 **OurDaddyInHeaven:** It was horrifying

 **OurDaddyInHeaven:** mentally scarred for life

 **Shirp:**  Sleep

 **OurDaddyInHeaven:** Fine, dad

 **MyPal:** Thank u so much

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 7:45 AM.**

**LilRoodAshBinch:** What the fuck Lance

 **Shirp:** Good morning Keith

 **OurDaddyInHeaven:** how could u keetos

**MyPal changed LilRoodAshBinch's name to Keetos.**

**OurDaddyInHeaven:** I trusted u and u through me in jail

**MyPal changed OurDaddyInHeaven's name to Delinquent.**

**Keetos:** I WAS CONFUSED I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENIN

 **Delinquent:** That's what they all say

 **Delinquent:** Pidge stop

 **Delinquent:** u ar interrupting our conversation

 **Delinquent:** Anyway Kefty keetos I'm never forgetting what u have done

**MyPal changed Keeto's name to KeftyKeetos.**

**Delinquent:** I will hold it against u forever

 **KeftyKeetos:** pidge you need to stop

 **KeftyKeetos:** also go ahead I don't care anymore

 **Delinquent:** jail my dude

 **Delinquent:** u got me put in jail

 **KeftyKeetos:** I m s o r r y

 **KeftyKeetos:** leave me a l o n e

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 11:23 AM.**

**MyPal:** Coran can I skip work today my cramps started and I couldn't get to sleep so I watched shitty movies all night and I'm really tired 

 **Cabbage:** Sure! Just make sure to get the paperwork for this afternoon's meeting. You can get that done at home, right?

 **MyPal:** yeah sure

 **Delinquent:**  what

 **Delinquent:** no fair

 **Delinquent:** how did u do that

 **Delinquent:** that's not fair

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** Wow, Coran you're so nice

 **Cabbage:** Well, I understand how weak lack of sleep can make you. I don't want to stress my little assistant out too much.

 **Delinquent:** OAOCOEKVODOWOS ALLURA CAN U BE LIKE THIS

 **SlayerOfHeels:** If I start acting as leinent as Coran, the business will go down in flames.

 **Delinquent:** But the flames will be pretty and peaceful cause ur workers are energized and happy

 **SlayerOfHeels:** Please do not be late, Lance. The lunch rush was very stressful on Keith when you missed the first half hour of your shift.

 **MyPal:** Hahah she's not taking ur shit Lance

 **Delinquent:** I SAID I WAS SORRY

 **KeftyKeetos:** I want to go home

 **KeftyKeetos:** I can't deal with all of your shit

 **KeftyKeetos:** I want a new family

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 5:41 PM.**

**TheSunToMyCrops:** You guys have been quiet

 **Delinquent:** I've been suffering

 **SlayerOfHeels:** Aren't you in class, Lance? It's the reason why you have Friday's off. 

 **Delinquent:** Yeah I'm in class

 **KeftyKeetos:** Then pay attention

 **Delinquent:** But I'm sad and want cuddles but I'm in class so

 **Delinquent:** U guys are the next best thing

 **MyPal:** Should I be honored or concerned???

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** I bet Keith'll cuddle u

 **KeftyKeetos:** Um no

 **Delinquent:** um yes @ my house @ 8

 **Delinquent:**  pls

 **Delinquent:** I'll give u fancy college food

 **KeftyKeetos:**  fine

 **Shirp:** again it is proved Keith will surprisingly do a lot of things simply for food

 **MyPal:** Keef that's gay

 **Shirp:** But you're all gay???

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** can we have a gay party

 **Delinquent:** Yes change of plans ur all coming to my house @ 8 and we're all cuddling

 **KeftyKeetos:** Is the food still a thing

 **Delinquent:** Ofc my mullet man I gotchu

**MyPal changed KeftyKeeto's name to MulletMan.**

**Shirp:** may I be the straight ally supervisor

 **Delinquent:** of course dad

 **MyPal:** can we try to get Shiro drunk

 **Shiro:** let's not

 **Delinquent:**  YEs

 **Shirp:** Oh lord

 **Delinquent:** save our sins bless us on this good day amen 

 **MulletMan:** Get out.

**MulletMan kicked Delinquent out of the chat room.**

**Shirp added Delinquent into the chat room.**

**Shirp:** no kicking people out that's mean

 **MulletMan:** Fuck u

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 8:15 PM.**

**Delinquent:** WHERE ARE YALL

 **Delinquent:** ONLY SHIRO AND KEEF ARE HERE STEP UP UR GAME MY DUDES

 **Delinquent:** We cuddlin without u

 **MyPal:** give me a ducoin second

 **MulletMan:**  Ducoin

 **MyPal:** Fuck off

 **delinquent:** HUNK IS HERE STEP UP PIDGE

 **MyPal:** get off my ass

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 12:31 AM.**

**Delinquent:** DRUNK LANCE BRINGS PROOF OF DRUNK SHIRO

**Delinquent sent a[Video.](https://youtu.be/hXhMg3j2SZQ)**

**Shirp:** what Theo fuckclane

 **Delinquent:** Drunk lance can type drunk Shiro, however, cannot

 **Shirp:** go to fucking hell

 **Delinquent:**  HOW

 **Shirp:** I work in misterious ways my boy

 **MyPal:** misterious 

 **MyPal:**  Screenshot

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** why are u all like this

 **Cabbage:** It sounds like you are all having fun.

 **Delinquent:** DRUNK MARIO KART

 **SlayerOfHeel:** Please stop. I need sleep.

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 11:31 AM.**

**Delinquent:**  Keef

 **Delinquent:** Keef pls

 **Delinquent:** can u get me some water my head hurts

 **MulletMan:** Hah fuck off man it's not my fault you got drunk

 **Delinquent:** But you're f I n e

 **Delinquent:** p l e a s e

 **MulletMan:**  Fine

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** I'll help you we'll get drinks for everyone

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** And I'll whip something up for people to eat

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** food is the cure to hangovers! :)

 **Delinquent:** hunk u are a blessing

 **Shirp:**  SHUTTUP THE BUZZIN IS LOND

 **MulletMan:** Lance I can't get you shit if you don't get your langy arms off of me

 **Lance:** oh fuck yeah that's tru

 **MyPal:**  ugh

 

**Message Sent to Damn Right It Is at 2:36 PM.**

**SlayerOfHeels:** You do know we open later today, right?

 **Delinquent:** fuck ok nyoom

 **Shirp:** I may not get there as early as I usually do. I have to take care of something 

 **MyPal:** UR FINALLY GETTING A REAL JOB???

 **Shirp:**  No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I'm thinking of adding in tidbits of actual writing. The chat fic was to practice with personalities, and of course I would continue the meme-filled land of wonder and joy, but I think maybe adding in its of writing might spice things up and make it interesting?  
> If I do, I'll have small sections of the writing first, slipped in between sections of the chat, dedicated to explaining how characters ended up where they are, and then gradually move to the more recent events.  
> How do you all feel about that? Any ideas on how I could do it?  
> Also; I'm so sorry this is late. I keep procrastinating. And I'm sorry its so short. I didn't want to keep it from you guys longer than I had to.


	4. CRONCH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MyPal: the cokes that I buy are now 1.50 instead of 1.25 capitalism is ruining this country
> 
> MulletMan: what
> 
> Shirp: Pidge lots of things are ruining this country but I don't think coke prices factor into that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO HAPPY GUYS I DONT DESERVE ANY OF YOU  
> BLESS YOUR HEARTS   
> Shout out to the first commenters you Two are beautiful people you're all beautiful people I never update u don't deserve a shitpile named me u need some good royal shit, give it a crOWN

* * *

     Lance had never been one to settle.

     His family just always had a busy, hurried feel to it; without that rush around him, he just didn't feel comfortable. Which is why he lived in a tiny apartment with his hectic, lazy roommate named Rolo, and worked at the popular restaurant Lioness Den as a waitress. Since his family never moved much, he always had in itch to explore, inspiring his way into the studies of space. He surprised himself when he decided to stay and work at Lioness Den for a while; he even signed a contract with the manager, Allura, to get a bit more money. 

     Part of him hated himself for the stupid decision, but the rest of him was surprisingly content. 

     The streets around him buzzed with the familiar feel of the morning; warm bodies anxiously waiting for the green St.Charles streetcar to roll up, and others quietly passing by to get to jobs that were a bit closer to home. Lance passed them all by, strolling into the warm building he loved like a second home. The back door was open, as usual. He went ahead and turned all the lights on as he headed to the break room, grabbing his apron as he went. 

     The early-morning regulars had begun to gather by the entrance as Lance fixed his apron up, slipping the notepad into the worn pocket on his right side. He waved to Hunk as he finished gathering the silver menus they kept in the storage room. He managed to unlock the costumer's door a few minutes after opening; a few of the regulars gave him a knowing look as they sat down.

     At least his skin was glowing, as usual. 

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 8:34 AM.**

**Delinquent:** Where are you guys we just opened up

**Delinquent:**  heeelpp

**MulletMan:** Get off your phone idiot I'm coming

**Delinquent:** HEKP THERES SO MANY PEOPLE

**MyPal changed Delinquent's name to Hekp.**

**Hekp:** why would u do this

**MyPal:** :))))))))

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 9:12 AM.**

**MyPal:** g u ys

**MyPal:** I have discovered an abomination

**MyPal:** Another flaw in this government's system

**MyPal:** the cokes that I buy are now 1.50 instead of 1.25 capitalism is ruining this country

**MulletMan:**  what

**Shirp:** Pidge lots of things are ruining this country but I don't think coke prices factor into that

**MyPal:**  Ouch

**MyPal:** Why would you hurt me like this

**Hekp:** I thought that said quiche

**MyPal:** I LOVE QUICHE IT TASTES REALLY NICE

**Hekp:** You know who else is nice...

**MyPal:**  hunk

**Shirp:**  Hunk

**MulletMan:**  hunk

**Cabbage:** Hunk.

**SlayerOfHeels:** Hunk.

**TheSunToMyCrops:** Awe guys

**Hekp:** Love u dude

**TheSunToMyCrops:** ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

**TheSunToMyCrops:** u guys are too good for me

 

     Having lived in a kitchen all his life, it was really no surprise when he became a chef.

     His mother's and sister were all proud of him, gently urging him to leave his secure home in a small town, where opportunities were fruitless. Despite the heavy cost of moving to New Orleans, they managed to convince him. Somehow. 

     Living in a small apartment deep in the garden district, daily commutes to work weren't as difficult as he first imagined. Only a short walk and a streetcar ride was necessary before he reached the cosy little restaurant. Calmly, he strolled through the back alley and through the kitchen's back door. When he first started working, the alley frightened him, but now became a familiar clip of life for the young man. 

     Clicking the stove to life, he busies himself in preparation for the day. Cluttered large bowls of different ingredients sat together at different stations, and measuring cups hung on racks, waiting for rookies to finally use them. Smells of fresh eggs and sharp cheese slowly filled the small, clustered room, and Hunk breathed in every delightful ounce of it. Soon, Lance would arrive, and the place would be as lively as he love it being.

     Lively and beautiful.

 

**Message sent to Damn Right It Is™ at 1:34 PM.**

**Hekp:**  guys

**Hekp:** A very attractive man that I'm serving said "excuse me" as he left to use the restroom and I think I'm in love

**MyPal:** oh lord

**MulletMan:** Excuse me what

**Hekp:** I SAID THERE'S A BEAUTIFUL MAN THAT IM SERVING THAT POLITELY SAID "excuse me" IN A HOT DEEP VOICE AND IM ENAMORADA

**MulletMan:** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

**MyPal:** He's attracted to someone other than you lmao 

**TheSunToMyCrops:** enamorada translates to "in love"

**MulletMan:**  oh

**Hekp:** HIS GIRLFRIEND IS REALLY ATTRACTIVE TOO

**Hekp:** sorry Mullet I'm leaving u

**Hekp:** u got me in jail, these beautiful people didn't

**TheSunToMyCrops sent a video.**

**MyPal:** ooooh my godddd

**TheSunToMyCrops:** "how do y'all feel about polymory, because I think I'm in love with the both of you" lance please you sound so pitiful

**TheSunToMyCrops sent a video.**

**MyPal:** KEITH U LOOK MORE EMO THAN USUAL

**TheSunToMyCrops:** he got d u m p e d

**Shirp:** Keith do you need a hug

**MulletMan:** fuck off

**MyPal changed the group chat name to Emo Keith™**

**MulletMan has left the chat.**

**Shirp has added MulletMan to the chat.**

**Shirp:** no leaving

**MulletMan:** fuck you

**Cabbage:** Give the poor boy a break, he's going through a rough spot in his life.

**MyPal:** Are you talking about the dumping or an actual rough spot

**Cabbage:** （＾ｖ＾）

**MyPal:** C o r a n

**MyPal:** are we about to get serious up in here or are you just roasting keef

**Cabbage:** （ ＾ ｖ ＾ ）

**MyPal:** (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ

**MyPal:** ヽ(*ﾟｰﾟ*)ﾉ

**TheSunToMyCrops:** where'd u get these face thingies

**MyPal:** keyboard app

**TheSunToMyCrops:** w h a t

**MyPal:** my favorite is  ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌

 

     Keith can't remember his birth parents.

     This is a fact. A small, little statement, the only statement he can trust. The only statement he knows for a fact is true. He has a hard time trusting anything else. It was a long, bonding-filled process of throwing old cheese (don't ask) and throwing pitiful birthday parties before Keith realized he had finally found some decent, trustworthy friends. However, these friends still haven't changed his earlier observation; the mystery of his birth parents is the only thing he'll ever be sure of. No matter how much he focuses, the image on the newspaper obituary slip an investigator once gave him never sparked any life into his early memories. He can spend years researching their lives and not once will he ever find a clue in his brain to ever remember them. 

     Keith doesn't know why it bothers him so much; he doesn't really care about their death. To his brain, he and his birth parents never met. He only has the feeling of seeing another death report on the news. The uncomfortable feeling took its sweet time dissapearing, having only recently become unnoticeable. He has a few ideas of why.

     The incessant chatter of the early morning rush kept his feet pumping at a moderate pace. The crisp air around him kept the humidity from fluffing his hair up, and he found himself sighing in relief. April cold fronts were rare, especially this far down south, and he appreciated the refreshing air. Taking a confident step into the restaurant, Keith casually waved to the regulars. 

Another day begins.

**MulletMan:** "Rough Spot"

**MullenMan:** pidge he's full of shit

**MyPal:** rip lmao

**MulletMan:** get out

**MyPal:** No thanks

**Shirp:** I'm sleeping gnite

**Shirp:** also shut up

**MyPal:** ITS 2 PM

**Shirp:** n a p

**Shirp:** (¬_¬)ﾉ

**MyPal:** Oh bye

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 2:14 AM.**

**MyPal:** I have the urge to eat glass cause I wanna hear that crunch

**Hekp:** Pidge n o

**Hekp:** d o  n o t

**Hekp:** eat glass

**MyPal:** but the cronch

**Hekp:**  NO

**MyPal:** like the stem of a wine glass

**MyPal:** I wanna hear it CRONCH

**Hekp:** Please do n o t

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 8:34 AM.**

**TheSunToMyCrops:** what the fuck

**MulletMan changed the chat name to DO NOT EAT GLASS™.**

**MyPal:** I have no excuse for my actions

**Cabbage:** I am extremely concerned.

**SlayerOfHeels:** Please do not eat glass, Pidge. That is a safety hazard.

**MyPal:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a friend of mine that's Spanish actually said the hot man situation, she actually used enanorada and her girlfriend was dyin it was great  
> And the glass crunch thing was also a real situation  
> And the capitalizim joke  
> I'm tired


	5. Introducing: Wimbleton and Rover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MyPal: ok ok who gave you the gay  
> MulletMan: what  
> MyPal: the gay  
> MyPal: I told you to take your antibiotics so you wouldn't get the gay  
> Hekp: oh darn  
> Hekp: now I have the gay  
> MyPal: Damn peer pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'alllllll  
> Beautiful children u bring me life in this dark time  
> This is the most consistent I've ever been with a fanfic

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 6:39 AM.**

**MyPal:**  y'all

 **MyPal:** I just had the weirdest fucking dream

 **Hekp:** holy shit what was it

 **MyPal:** Ok so

 **MyPal:** first, Matt came up to me and asked if I wanted to play minecraft

 **MyPal:** strange part 1- he hates Minecraft

 **MyPal:** In the dream I said yes

 **MyPal:** scene switch; I'm apologizing because now I'm going to asleep over and I can't play Minecraft 

 **MyPal:** it was a birthday party for Haggar

 **Hekp:** oH THE OLD LADY NEIGHBOR U HATE

 **MyPal:** yes, my old lady neighbor that I hate

 **MyPal:** Shay from marketing was there too

 **MyPal:** anyway when Haggar wasn't in the room we all talked shit about her and had a grand old time

 **MyPal:** minute Haggar walked in, it went really quiet and awkward

 **MyPal:** then I woke up

 **Shirp:** holy shit

 **MulletMan:** that was a literary masterpiece

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** I enjoyed every second of that

 **MyPal:** alright gnite then

 **Shirp:**  what

 **MyPal:** it is saturday and this is an ungodly hour, I only got up to tell u this gnite

 **Shirp:** sleep well I guess?

 **MyPal:** Bless

 

Pidge hated mornings.

The sun was always too bright, even with the navy blue curtains covering the single window in their bedroom. That small window was thankfully the only window in the cramped apartment, but it was unfortunate that it had to be in the bedroom. As Pidge lazily strolled to the coffee pot, they wondered who designed the building. 

A soft meow echoed from the ground as a fluffy creature rubbed against Pidge's bare leg; they jolted in surprise, dropping the coffee pot into the sink. The glass shatters, effectively rattling the poor cat, and Pidge faintly hears the skittering of their pet's claws as their cat nyoomed the fuck out of there. Poor Wimbleton, he didn't deserve this terror in the morning. But of course, Pidge didn't either.

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 9:35 AM.**

**MyPal:** another funny story

 **MyPal:** I was making coffee and Wimbleton scared the shit out of me

 **MyPal:** there's glass in my sink and Wimbleton is also scared shitless

 **MyPal:** can someone come over with coffee

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** I gotchu honey don't worry

 **MyPal:**  Bless

 **MyPal:** also bring a new coffee pot

 **TheSunToMyCrops:**  um

 **TheSunToMyCrops:**  ok

 **Shirp:** pidge I swear

 **MyPal:** I'm hugging Wimbleton

 **MyPal:** He's being a whiny asshole as usual but I think the comfort is helping 

 **Hekp:** Please send pictures

 **Hekp:** I love ur cats

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** please send pictures of rover too I love her

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** also I'm like 10 mins away

 **MyPal:**  ofc

 **MyPal:** also bless

**MyPal sent an image.**

****

**My Pal sent an image.**

****

**MyPal:** To those who don't know, this is Wimbleton, the asshole

**MyPal sent an image.**

**MyPal sent an image.**

****

**MyPal:** and thats Rover

 **MyPal:** she's my sassy child

 **Hekp:** I love them so much

 **Shirp:** true blessings

 **MulletMan:** work of art

 **Hekp:** WIMBLETON LOOKS SO FUCKING FABULOUS

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** and Rover looks really concerned

 **TheSunToMyCrops:** also I'm here

 **MyPal:**  BLESS

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 5:41 PM.**

**MyPal:** MOTHER'S DAY IS IN A WEEK YALL READY TO GET HUNK SOMEGIFTS

 **TheSunToMyCrops:**  what

**MyPal changed TheSunToMyCrops name to Mother.**

**MyPal:** we love u mom

 **Hekp:** love u mom

 **MulletMan:** love you mom

 **Shirp:** This is endearing but also really weird please stop

 **Mother:** I'm the team's mom now???

 **MyPal:**  ofc

 **Mother:** But I? You know I'm not even going to question it

 

After weeks of thinking, Shiro still doesn't know why he keeps coming back.

Many assume it's because of his crush on the manager, Allura. However, he's already dating her; he asked her out the second week of watching over the cozy little restaurant. If anyone knew about their relationship, they would then think he just wanted to protect her, when that wasn't the case either. Shiro knew Allura could easily defend herself, and there was Hunk and Keith, who had taken wrestling and boxing in highschool respectively, so he had no worries over any of their well beings.

Something just... Called him there. A feeling in his gut resounded through his bones, as if something bad will happen eventually and he needs to be there, or everything will go to ruin... His days in the army taught him that gut feelings aren't wrong very often. His missing arm constantly reminded him of the consequences of ignoring it.

For the sake of everyone, he truly hoped within the depths of hisheart that the feeling was wrong.

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 7:35 PM.**

**MulletMan:** why are the hot guys always at target

 **MyPal:** careful Keith your gay is showing

 **Hekp:** OH MY GOD I KNOW RIGHT

 **Hekp:** EVERYTIME I GO I JUST SEE THIS HOT ASS GUY SND I NEARLY CRIED TWICE 

 **MyPal:** ok ok who gave you the gay

 **MulletMan:**  what

 **MyPal:** the gay

 **MyPal:** I told you to take your antibiotics so you wouldn't get the gay

 **Hekp:** oh darn

 **Hekp:** now I have the gay

 **MyPal:** Damn peer pressure

 **Hekp:** how dare they give me the gay

 **MyPal:** I hope you aren't smoking any gay

 **MyPal:** I've seen this before

 **Hekp:** how dare u accuse me of smoking the gay

 **MyPal:** you're at a party and they're passing around the gay and youcant say no

 **Hekp:** I couldn't say no

 **MyPal:** JUST SAY NO

 **Mother:** SAY NO TO THE HOMO

 **Shirp:** I'm actually sobbing right now

**Shirp sent an image.**

**MyPal:** rip Shiro

**MyPal changed Hekp's name to NoHomoBro.**

**NoHomoBro:** love u pidge

 **MyPal:** love u too bro

 **NoHomoBro:**  bro

 **MyPal:**  bro

 **Shirp:**  LEAVE

 **Mother:** its all gone to shit

 **SlayerOfHeels:** You're acting like middle school children.

 **NoHomoBro:**  ROOD

 **NoHomoBro:** I came here to have a good time and I honestly feel so attacked right now

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 11:41 PM.**

**NoHomoBro:** LODGE HELP I THOUGHT THE CRONCH OF A BATH BOMB WAS APPEALING SO I BIT IT AND MY TONGUE IS TINGLIN I REGRET MY EXISTENCE

 **Shirp:**  Lodge

**Shirp changed MyPal's name to Lodge.**

**Lodge:** holy shit Lance

 **NoHomoBro:** I just wanted to enjoy a nice b a t h

 **NoHomoBro:** Why has it all come to this single moment

 **MulletMan:** you dumbass

 **MulletMan:** I'm on my way

 **NoHomoBro:** With chocolate?

 **MulletMan:** and Mean Girls

 **NoHomoBro:** bless your heart you beautiful man

Allura, no matter how cross, will always love her workers as if they were her own family. The ragtag group of misfits were a family, In a way. She loved them deeply, without a fault. She hoped the feelings are mutual. 

When Allura first hired them, she never expected to get wonderful friends and loyal workers. She's even had Hunk confess to her once that he'd prefer to either start up his own bakery or continue working for her, and now him and Coran are venturing possible bakery-oriented business ventures. She hates to admit it, but even their silly texts brighten her day.

Her only problem is that she doesn't know how to turn off her business setting. She can't act completely relaxed, not even in text. She's tried, in a desperation to get closer to them, but it only got awkward by the second exchange of words. Shiro told her that the key was "to type whatever is on your mind at that exact moment and never include periods", but the Acton's make her uncomfortable. Although, she's desperate. She doesn't want to be the formal manager anymore. 

Shiro keeps telling her she wants to be the wine mom, but obviously, she would be the Wine Aunt, wouldn't she?

Maybe she can figure this out after all.

 

  
**Shirp added Lodge, NoHomoBro, MulletMan, and Mother to the chat.**

**Shirp named the chat Allura needs support.**

**Shirp:** guys just gotta say real quick Allura really wants to get closer to y'all and be hip with the kids like I am so be nice, ok

 **Shirp:** go easy on her

 **NoHomoBro:** are we getting a wine aunt

 **Lodge:** WINE AUNT WINE AUNT WINE AUNT

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith™ at 8:23 AM.**

**SlayerofHeels:** do you think fried corn would taste good

 **SlayerOfHeels:** Coran bought some and I'm concerned™

 

**Message sent to Allura needs support at 8:24 AM.**

**Lodge:** dude u didn't even have to worry she already won my heart

 **NoHomoBro:** I'm so proud

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith at 8:25 AM.**

**MulletMan:** Honestly I have no idea

 **Lodge:** can I try it

 **SlayerOfHeels:**  sure

 **Lodge:**  SWEET

 **Lodge:** bye y'all off to get free food

 **NoHomoBro:**  rood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw y'all Wimbleton is actually my real-life cat named polar bear and he's a fucking blessing  
> And an asshole  
> Same thing with Rover, her real name is Princess Lizzy  
> I love them y'all  
> I love them  
> Edit: y'all I didn't realize that u had to change the date to show when u last updated I'm sorry I've led u all astray


	6. Just the usual crypid or two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NoHomoBro: THE BYE BYE MAN IS MY NEW ICON  
> SlutForMothman: don't u mean NSYNC  
> NoHomoBro: what  
> SlutForMothman: baby bi bi bi  
> NoHomoBro: I  
> NoHomoBro changed their name to BiBiBi.  
> BiBiBi: thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beep beep another chapter - Its around 1:30 AM for me but I had to post for y'all  
> Summer is here and I havent done anything but that short langst fix I know I hate I too  
> I just noticed I changed my chat layout and I'm sorry imma try to stay consistent from here on  
> Hopefully  
> Its changed at least twice  
> Iakcnaijsjs  
> The best feeling in the world is when someone complements your username  
> Also all my favorite angst-filled cliffhanging fanfics posted and now imfucking d y I n g  
> I've realized that they haven't celebrated any holidays so I'm just gonna say its around September??? So yeet spoop time which means I have a holiday to build on which makes topics much easier to make  
> Which means to us their.... Celebrating Spoop time... In June... :))))))))))))))))  
> (I just want an excuse to talk about spoop time)

**PM: SlayerOfHeels -- > Shirp**

**SlayerOfHeels:** It feels so strange

**SlayerOfHeels:** To communicate this informally.

**Shirp:** You'll get used to it.

**SlayerOfHeels:** It does feel nice to finally submit to joking around with the rest of them.

**Shirp:** You're doing great. You fit right in.

**SlayerOfHeels:** Thank you for the assurances. It makes me feel a bit better,

**Shirp:** Any time. :)

 

**PM: Shirp -- > MulletMan**

**Shirp:** I'm dead inside

**MulletMan:** Wow your so hip with the kids

**Shirp:**  help

**MulletMan:** You'd fit right in with the teens

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith at 9:21 AM.**

**Lodge:** Matt asked if I could add him to the chat

**NoHomoBro:** um???

**NoHomoBro:** he's not an employee at the restaurant

**SlayerOfHeels:** Yes he is.

**NoHomoBro:** he is????

**SlayerOfHeels** : He cleans up after you you all?

**Lodge:** *y'all

**SlayerOfHeels:** Oh, please. I promised myself to never utter that phrase in my entirety of existence.

**MulletMan:**  Ouch

**MulletMan:** Lance you didn't know? Matt's kind of like, an assistant, or I don't know, jack of all trades? He does the stuff no one specializes in, like cleaning and helping Hunk around in the kitchen

**Lodge:** so like a janitor

**MulletMan:** Haven't you seen him?

**NoHomoBro:** I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST A REGULAR CUSTOMER

**SlayerOfHeels:** Someone add Matt.

**Lodge:** no don't he's gross

**Shirp added MattToMyMattresses to the chat.**

**Lodge has changed MattToMyMattresses name to Gross.**

**Gross:** betrayed by my own flesh and blood

**Lodge:** eat my nonexistent dick

**Shirp:**  hey

**Shirp:** he has every right to be here

**Lodge:** but Shiro

**Lodge:** he's a fucking nerd

**Shirp:** and so are you

**Mother:** so am I

**NoHomoBro:** and so is Keith

**MulletMan:** don't get me involved

**Cabbage:** I suppose we're all a bit strange.

**Gross:**  HA

**Gross:** I have everyone on my side Katie you'll never get rid of me

**Lodge:** ew katie

**Lodge:** who is that monstrosity

**Gross:**  Wow

**NoHomoBro:**  gnite

**Gross:** its Saturday

**NoHomoBro:** g n i t e

**Gross:** you have w ork

**NoHomoBro:** g. N. I t e.

 

Coran chuckled as the phone infront him buzzed, another text flooding in. Resisting the urge to smile, he scrolled through the colorful bubbles, through times he wasn't able to be there for. Coran ofte found himself reading through the texts without responding. It ended up becoming some sort of source of entertainment. They sure were entertaining.

The door of his office clicked open, soft footsteps purposefully stomping into the room. "I brought your coffee, Coran." Coran brightened and glanced up at the short person in front of him. Pidge, his beloved assistant. They helped him through so many computer viruses and office emails, Coran doesn't know what he'd've done without them. 

He took the coffee from them, waving them over to the chair in front of his desk. "Ahh, hello Pidge! How has your morning been? Thank you for the coffee, smell amazing as always. May I have your pronouns? Any office gossip?"

Pidge laughed and dumped themself into the plush chair. "My mornings been the usual, and I'm still they/them. I don't know about office gossip, but if you're referring to the record in device I set up in the break room, Brenda did end up breaking up with Todd and he talked to his salad about it." 

"Oh my quiznak, tell me more!"

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith at 9:31 PM**

**Gross:** who wants to join me on my crypid marathon

**MulletMan:** Sign me the FUCK UP

**Lodge:** mothman?

**MulletMan:** IM A SLUT FOR MOTHMAN

**Lodge changed MulletMan's name to SlutForMothman** **.**

**SlutForMothman:** thank you

**Gross:** Mothman it is

**Gross:** come over to our house get ready for some Holt conspiracy theories

**NoHomoBro:** I'm not a crypid but can I join y'all

**Gross:** sure my dude

**Gross:** Are u gonna gay it up

**NoHomoBro:** ofc

 

**Message sent to Emo Keith at 2:47 AM.**

**NoHomoBro:** THE BYE BYE MAN IS MY NEW ICON

**SlutForMothman:** don't u mean NSYNC

**NoHomoBro: what**

**SlutForMothman:** baby bi bi bi

**NoHomoBro:**  I

**NoHomoBro changed t** **heir name to BiBiBi.**

**BiBiBi:** thank you

**BiBiBi:** You've done a great service

**Lodge:** But the babadook

**BiBiBi:** is gay for the bye bye man, of course

**Gross:** Dicks out for babadook

**BiBiBi:** leave your outdated memes out of this

**SlutForM** **othman:** GUYS FOCUS

**SlutForM** **othman:** THEIR ABOUT TO INVESTIGATE THE WOODS

**Gro** **ss:** and find nothing

**SlutFor** **Mothman:** HE IS OUT THERE.

**Shirp:** GO TO FUCKING SLEEP YOU FUCKING SHITTY ASS CREATURES

**SlutF** **orMothman:** sleep is for the normal people

**SlutFo** **rMothman:** Maybe if I become a crypid Mothman will marry me

**Sh** **irp:** I will shove an onion into your face

**Sl** **utForMothman:** I'm not at home

**S** **hirp:** I know where Matt lives

**Slu** **tForMothman:** I won't sleep because mothman but I'll shut up 

**S** **hirp:** thank u

 

**Me** **ssage sent to Emo Keith at 3:14 AM.**

**Slut** **ForMothman:** THE BLACK MAGIC OF MULHOLLAND DRIVE

**Slut** **ForMothman:** SWIMMING POOLS UBDER DESERT SKIES

**SlutF** **orMothman:** DRINKING WHITE WINE IN THE BLUSHING LINE

**SlutFor** **Mothman:** JUST ABOTHER LA DEVOTEE

**Slut** **ForMothman:** SUBSETS IB THE EVIL EYE

**SlutFor** **Mothman:** IBVISIBLE GO THE HOLLYWOOD SHRIBE

**SlutFor** **Mothman:** ALWAYS OB THE HUBT FOR A LITTLY MORE TIME

**SlutFor** **Mothman:** JUST ANOTHE R LA DEVOTEE

**Shi** **rp:** KEITH

**SlutFo** **rMothman:** fuck u

 

**Message sent to Emo Keit** **h at 8:45 AM.**

**SlayerO** **fHeels:** You all have very serious sleeping problems

**BiB** **iBi:** under

**Lo** **dge:** another

**M** **other:** ibvisible 

**Shi** **rp:** shribe

**Lo** **dge:** ob the hubt

**Bi** **BiBi:** litty

**M** **other:** Anothe r

**SlutFor** **Mothman:** don't attack me like this

**Slu** **tForMothman:** I was listening to music on Yotutube ad this popped up ok it wasn't my fault

**Lod** **ge:** Yotutube ad

**Slu** **tForMothman:** STOP IT IM HURT

**Bi** **BiBi:** I'm sorry Keefers

**BiB** **iBi changed the chat name to Yotutube ad.**

**Lo** **dge:** I feel like something bad is gonna happen

**M** **other:** you watched conspiracy theories all night. You're probably just paranoid

**Lo** **dge:** shit u rite

 

**Messag** **e sent to YouTube ad at 9:26 PM.**

**Gro** **ss:** y'all

**G** **ross:** a certain time of the year is approaching

**Gro** **ss:** s p o o p y t i m e

**Gr** **oss changed the group chat name to SpoopyTime™.**

**Lo** **dge:** shit u rite

**B** **iBiBi:** can we decorate the restaurant and dress up and shit

**Sla** **yerOfHeels:** Is it really necessary?

**Ca** **bbage:** Yes, I think it's very necessary.

**Ca** **bbage:** Matt, will you take care of buying supplies?

**Lo** **dge:** I'll start making flyers then

**L** **odge:** for all the branches?

**Cabb** **age:** yes, please.

**Lodg** **e:** ok gotchu

**S** **hirp:** Should we plan the costumes or just pick our own by ourselves?

**Sl** **ayerOfHeels:** If we're going to do this, we're going to have it coordinated. Should we do just a normal holloween theme?

**Lo** **dge:** Nah man we gotta be original

**L** **odge:** Spoopy time is sacred, we must try our best to make it the best

**Slay** **erOfHeels:** ... I see.

**Sl** **ayerOfHeels:** Alright, so any ideas?

**Lo** **dge:** Bobs burgers theme

**SlayerO** **fHeels:** No.

**Lodg** **e:** spongebob

**Slay** **erOfHeels:** Pidge.

**Lo** **dge:** SHREK 3

**Sl** **ayerOfHeels:** Pidge, please.

**G** **ross:** Can we actually do shrek 3

**Gross:** because copyrights

**Gr** **oss:** would make it impossible 

**Lo** **dge:** But shrek

**Slu** **tForMothman:** Um

**B** **iBiBi:** pidge Wtf no

**BiBi** **Bi:** we gotta do the skeleton war

**Lo** **d** **ge:** Let that meme die, Lance

**Bi** **BiBi:** the skeleton war will never die, Pidge.

**Slut** **ForMothman:** if you tried to be serious, it didn't work. You forgot to capitalize the and it took all seriousness away form your statement, shape up Lance.

**BiB** **iBi:** Wtf keith

**Lod** **ge:** Woah

**Lo** **dge:** savage

**BiBi** **Bi:** Keith u did the same thing

**Slu** **tForMothman:** its spelled whoa Pidge

**Lodg** **e:** woah there buddy pal friend amigo chumbucket let's not go there

**Sla** **yerOfHeels:** Guys.

**Slayer** **OfHeels:** Focus.

**Lo** **dge:** Focus is for the weak

**S** **hirp:** how though

**Slay** **erOfHeels:** GUYS.

**M** **other:** oh shit

**Gro** **ss:** screech

**Gr** **oss:** Scary ass tall person

**Slay** **erOfHeels:** And I'm proud of it. Is there any other ideas besides "The Skeleton War"?

**Lod** **ge:** wait u actually like the skeleton war idea

**Sl** **ayerOfHeels:** It's better than shrek 3.

**Bi** **BiBi:** agreed

**Ca** **bbage:** I feel like there's a story behind this "Skeleton War".

**Lod** **ge:** ooh don't get me started

**Lo** **dge:** I'm coming to your office with tea so we can discuss this to great detail

**C** **abbage:** Oh, alright! I'll finish up this spreadsheet then.

**M** **other** wholesome post

**Sl** **utForMothman:** Its not a post

**B** **iBiBi:** So pure and lovely, I need to see more of this on my dashboard

**S** **hirp:** why are y'all like this

**Bi** **BiBi:** u texans won't get it

**Shir** **p:** I'm not from Texas

**Slu** **tForMothman:** I'm insulted

**Mo** **ther:** can we go to Texas and wave pride flags around but like the less known ones and see how they react

**BiB** **iBi:** that's genius

**Gr** **oss:** Let's do it around thanksgiving

**Sl** **utForMothman:** Y a l l

**Cab** **bage:** That sounds like a hoot! Pidge asks if she could join.

**M** **other:** a hoot

**BiBi** **Bi:** blessed™

**Gr** **oss:** of course my dear sister can join

**Lo** **dge:** thank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure Allura tried to be hip with the cool kids once in the last chapter and she was so confused with their antics that she gave up  
> (Actually I hated the ending for the last chapter and I wish to forget its existence why do my ideas suck ass how do I avoid)  
> Ok I need some opinions: do y'all like the theme of spoopy skeleton war?  
> And, SHOULD I FINALLY GIVE SHIRO A DIFFERENT CHAT NAME?
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed, live ur life my pals  
> :)


	7. 7. Spoop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BiBiBi: I amost scraened.... The bathropm door opened and I thoufht kieht was accisently walkibg in buy it was jyst the vsttt   
> Mother: the what?  
> BiBiBi: like whoopdedooo gotta go poo  
> Mother: How many drinks  
> BiBiBi: more than my will to live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um   
> Hi??? Its been while? Sorry about that. Uh, so I forgot that I had this? I've been working for the past months on a novel idea (which had been an idea since I was like,,, 6,,, and around 3 years ago I decided to make something out of it) and what was supposed to be like 2 pages became... 40 pages... Longer than my will to live... With songs linked to every segment and a playlist planned... So I'm back, caused I finished my idea. If any of y'all want to go over it I'd cry because y e s, I need so much constructive feedback, or just yell at me and say the idea's weird. I just want someone I barely knows opinion   
> Also I know its like,,, September,,, but its time for spoopy time   
> Anyway here we g o

**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 12:01 AM.**

**BiBiBi:** It's spoopy day!!!!

**Shirp:** sleep you heathen

**Lodge:** I cannot believe

**Lodge:** u woke my beautiful sleeping head

**BiBiBi:** HA

**BiBiBi:** When do u ever sleep

**Lodge:** Now

**Lodge:** I'm going back to sleep, not because of you, silly boy, but because my house is fat

**Lodge:** *gay

**Shirp:** Neither of those make sense in the context.

 

 

**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 8:10 AM.**

**BiBiBi:** so um I hope y'all don't think it's too extensive or anything but um I uh

**BiBiBi:** Bought some props

**SlayerOfHeels:** OH MY GOD

**SlayerOfHeels:** I shouldn't have to wade through cardboard cutouts of Nicholas Cage dressed up as the devil to get to the break room.

**Gross:** hot

**SlayerOfHeels:** LANCE IS THAT

**SlayerOfHeels:** IS THAT A CHILD-SIZED HALLOWEEN THEMED ACTUAL WORKING TRAIN

**BiBiBi:** how else do you think the skeletons get to the war

**SlayerOfHeels:** Who funded this.

**Cabbage:** He told me of his idea and I simply couldn't refuse! It sounded like bundles of fun.

**Lodge:** bundles of fun

**SlayerOfHeels:** Coran, why.

**Cabbage:** Don't worry, Pidge and I are coming over to help decorate

**Lodge:** what

**Lodge:** I was not told of this

**Cabbage:** Bunches of fun!

**Shirp:** I'll come in early today.

**SlayerOfHeels:** Thank god.

 

  
**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 10:23 AM.**

**Lodge:** Imso fucking tired I want to go home

**Mother:** If I stare at the lightbulbs long enough will I go blind? Then I could get disability money

**BiBiBi:** 1\. Then you wouldn't be able to stare at Shiro's beautiful face

**Mother:** Shit u rite

**BiBiBi:** 2\. You wouldn't be able to do a lot of things and the disability money isnt worth that

**Mother:** so many pros

**Gross:** staring at a lightbulb won't make you go blind unless its coated with a certain powder, but it can damage ur eyes a lot

**Gross:** If you want to go blind, stare at the sun for a while or something

**Mother:** thanks science major

**Gross:** No problem mom OwO

**Lodge:** hey google, how do you delete your brother

**Gross:** Rood

 

 

**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 2:34 PM.**

**Cabbage:** How have sales gone so far? I've been wondering for hours.

**Lodge:** I've been wondering if anyone actually liked the decorations

**Lodge:** Probably not, a lot of formal business people go to the restaurant

**Lodge:** Y'all are lucky Coran lets Lance do pretty much anything

**Coran:** I do have a soft spot for him... He reminds me of my great great uncle, the Gorgeous Magnificent William Smith! 

**SlayerOfHeels:** Most of our clients find the decorations childish.

**Mother:** But a good childish

**Mother:** it seems like their having slot of fun acting like a kid with Lance or scoffing at the decorations with Keith 

**Mother:** As long as Allura makes sure to place certain people in certain areas we should be fine

**SlutForMothman:** there goes Lance, delivering food whilst riding the spooky train 

**BiBiBi:** BEEP BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKERS

Gross: Oh my god.

**Mother:** I can hear the echoes of "This Is Our Town Of Halloween" from miles away

**SlutForMothman:** Someone I'm serving is having a deep conversation to their boyfriend about zombies

**SlutForMothman:** I heard them say "Ground had arose" and thought they had said "heteros" for a moment

**Lodge changed SlutForMothman's name to GroundHeteros.**

**Lodge:** Ground heteros

**Mother:** Freshly grown

**Lodge:** add to boiling water and stir

**Mother:** Yum!

**Lodge:** for a thick, flavourful broth

**GroundHeteros:** that went from 0-100 real quick.

**Shirp:** Just you know a little dark

**Cabbage:** You know... Landladies are truly mythical creatures.

**Lodge:** Coran what the fuc

**Shirp:** As in property owners? If so I agree

**BiBiBi:** why do y'all say such weird shit all the time

**GroundHeteros:** weren't you the person that kept saying "Stab my ass with a rusted knife" for a week straight? 

**BiBiBi:** WILL YOU LET THAT GO

**Mother:** Kinky

**BiBiBi:** GASP

**BiBiBi:** BETRAYED™ BY MY OWN MOTHER

**Mother:** ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌

BiBiBi: hurt™

 

 

**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 7:32 PM.**

**BiBiBi:** Any of you going trick-or-treating?

**Mother:** Yeah, with my sibling

**BiBiBi:** Can Angel and I join u we got a sick duo costume that we wanna show off

**Lodge:** Fuck I gotta see this

**Matt:** Where my clone goes, I follow

**GroundHeteros:** I need this for blackmail

**Shirp:** And now suddenly I have the urge to join you all

**Mother:** I

**Mother:** Alright? Meet us up at Wendy's I guess?

**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 9:47 PM.**

**BiBiBi:** No one is giving out enough candy I am shook

**BiBiBi:** Someone had the audacity to give me a mint

**BiBiBi:** A MINT.

**BiBiBi:** and not the yummy sweet mints one of the gross ones that come in the metal boxes

**GroundHeteros:** Those are the best???

**BiBiBi:** HEATHEN

**GroundHeteros:** Says the one in a two person donkey outfit

**BiBiBi:** SHREK OK APPRECIATE IT

 

 

**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 11:23 PM.**

**BiBiBi:** COME TO MY APPARTMENT WE'RE HAVING A PARTY AND KEITH IS DRUNK

**Mother:** oh god

**SlayerOfHeels:** You all have work tomorrow.

**GroundHeteros:** AAAAAAAAAA

**Lodge:** Relatable

**GroundHeteros:** y all

**GroundHeteros:** fellass,,,,, is it gay to gsy gay? I mean you're identifying the gayssss

**GroundHeteros:** *gay

**GroundHeteros:** **say

**Lidge:** Valid point

**BiBiBi:** My anus is gurgling

**SlayerOfHeels:** Please don't share that with us. Get some rest.

**Cabbage:** Oh my

**GroundHeteros:** THSTD A GOOD SIGHN

**Mother:** ???

**BiBiBi:** I amost scraened.... The bathropm door opened and I thoufht kieht wasaccisently walkibg in buy it was jyst the csttt 

**Mother:** the what?

**BiBiBi:** like whoopdedooo gotta go poo

**Mother:** How many drinks

**BiBiBi:** more than my will to live

**Lodge:** how did he spell that all correctly

**BiBiBi:** Msgiv

**BiBiBi:** *nagix

**BiBiBi:** m

**BiBiBi:** a

**BiBiBi:** a

**BiBiBi:** g

**BiBiBi:** I

**BiBiBi:** c

**BiBiBi:** there

**Lodge:** Save us

 

 

**Message sent to SpoopyTime™ at 6:58 AM.**

**Lodge:** its no longer spoopy day time to change

**Lodge changed their name to Bird.**

**Bird changed the chat's name to Carl™.**

**BiBiBi:** Carl?

**Bird:** Carl.

**Bird:** Anyway time for tea

**BiBiBi:** whaaat

**Mother:** Gimme that good tea

**Bird:** y'all know Nyma

**Mother:** Idk but I hate her already

**Bird:** She's the head of the coffee department

**Bird:** she thinks we chill but she a ho

**Bird:** She's like one of those

**Bird:** "oh my god look at these two cute dudes getting it on!!! Adorable!!" But then fetishize them and is just.,, scared of trans people and uncomfortable around lesbians

**Mother:** g ross

**Bird:** I'm minding my own damn business

**Bird:** eating my sandwhich

**Bird:** She comes up and asks "Hey ur gay right"

**Bird:** and of course, me, the genderfluid, says "Ya I'm hella gay"

**Bird:** "I think I like Plaxum in a sexual way but not romantically, is that normal??" Which technically, is a thing, but like,,, knowing her heterosexual ass its probably just her being horny, 

**Bird:** so I say "Ya that's normal"

**Bird:** "Like I'm not gay but I get certain feelings from her"

**Bird:** and later she was telling a friend how she was sad cause Plaxum didn't feel the same way about her

**Bird:** That's all have a nice day

**BiBiBi:** "ok like I'm not gay, but ur pretty hot and I'd totally fuck you, but no homo u fucking sexy beast"

**Bird:** pretty much yeah

**GroundHeteros:** I'm

 

 

**Message sent to Carl™ at 11:37 PM.**

**BiBiBi:** REESES PUFFS REESES PUFFS

**BiBiBi:** EAT EM UP EAT EM UP EAT EM UP EAT EM UP

**BiBiBi:** PEANUT BUTTER AND COCOLATE GREAT WHEN SEPARATE 

**BiBiBi:** BUT WHEN COMBINED THEY MAKE THE MORNING TIME EPIC 

**Mother:** The original bop™

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Nyma so much but I needed someone for the ending rip

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, so if you get confused: Pidge and Shiro are roommates,  
> Shiro is the bodyguard for the restaurant, however does it of his own free will without payment (except he accepts the free food given to him)  
> Because of Shiro's bodyguard job, Pidge got the job of Coran's assistant.  
> Keith and Lance are waiters while Hunk is the cook, and Allura is the manager of that restaurant and Coran is the CEO of the restaurant chain.  
> Lance and Keith met through the restaurant, and Keith and Shiro have been friends ever since Shiro moved into the farm next door, and became Keith's only neighbor.  
> Broganes.  
> Pidge is genderfluid  
> Have a great day my pals


End file.
